Annaleigh (ex_lostintwi793) wrote in smart_ass_grrrl,

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To My Father by Annaleigh Watts, 5/25/2003

"I wrote this poem originally in January of 2000. It was intended for an anthology of writings and artwork by child abuse survivors, but the anthology never came to frutition. This poem is about my experience with emotional and physical abuse from my father, the emotions I stuggled with, and the half-resolution I came to. I hope you enjoy it, and if you can relate, I say be strong." ~ Annaleigh Watts

When I wasn't more than two,
my life was good, sweet, and new
but in a short while,
you seemed to change, acted strange
and what went on in our home no one really knew

No one bothered to ask
why my Daddy was dead in my eyes
how the first man in my life makes me cry
or find out that my Daddy was gone
and a MONSTER was left in his place

I'd forgotten the father I knew before
and still everyone told me
that you loved me, took pride in me
those memories didn't remain
but you don't know how I'd prayed they were true

After many years, the day finally came
the abuse was over, the liquor haze lifted
and for the first time I saw a father's love in your eyes
It was more than I hoped for,
no more pain, tears, fear or shame

My happiness didn't last long
I will never forget the night you died
Even though I feel you're in Heaven now,
where you belong
I still grieve over the Hyde who hurt me so
and my beloved father who I barely knew
and it kills me to know they were one and the same,
yet separate too...

Just know this Daddy, that I love and miss you...
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